So I’ve just had another epiphany (as I was putting the laundry away – as ya do) that I wanted to share. It’s one of those life changing things that is so fundamentally simple that it’s been beaten, conditioned and generally steam rolled out of us. But it’s such a simple philosophy that has absolutely changed my life but one that I have had to really, deeply dig it out because we really are conditioned to think the opposite. So here it is: -

Be kind to yourself.

Shocker right! Like Duh, everyone knows that. Deep down in our hearts we do but actually it’s been conditioned out of us. From the early days when you tripped and skinned your knee to the times at school when you aren’t allowed to be sick. When we as adults are bullied into sending our sick kids in to school all for the sake of a tick in a box that will one day be forgotten. (Yes education is important but so is my childs health and mental well being)

As some of you know I have been through Hell. Not just tough times but full blown fields of fire and brimstone, earth and mind shattering Hell. Learn about it HERE. But to be honest I now embrace those tough times. Because they made me stronger. Yes they broke me down but that was the point because I came back stronger and way more powerful, but the down side was I learned to endure. A lot. Like sitting on a hospital bed as cannulas where forced into my veins making them rupture. 12 times. Or working 16 hour shifts on my (high heeled) feet. Or working night shifts for 10 days straight totaling 100+ hours. Or being at full time university with two children under 2 and multi tasking like a mo fo. Or being in labour for 68 hours when each contraction is the pain equivalent of having your ribs broken.

I learned to be tough. But that is my greatest strength and my worst weakness. Because I, like many of you reading this, have learned to soldier on. I just read a brilliant book called

You Cant Hurt Me: Master Your Mind and Defy The Odds by David Goggins

The only man in American history to serve as an Air Force Paratrooper, Navy Seal and Army Ranger. He went through Hell Week not once but 3 times in order to pursue his dream to become a Navy Seal and I, like him, learned that when the going gets tough some of us cave. But others well, we step up with a smile, a manic laugh and a ‘fuck it, bring it on’ attitude.

And it made Goggins thrive. Now a world renowned professional athlete he discovered that when you have reached the point of exhaustion, when you are ready to lie down and die, if you refuse to give up the fight, if you can keep going long enough to crawl through the last mental and physical pain barrier we have another 60% of untapped potential!

Which explains why some of us can endure. Some of us, like you can fulfill your dreams no matter what life throws at you. Why some of us refuse to give up the fight.

But it’s just twigged. The need to be kind to yourself too. Because a few weeks ago I was rushed to hospital terrified I was having a heart attack. Crushing chest pains, difficulty breathing, the whole frightening shebang. Fortunately for me it turns out it was ‘just’ costochondritis. Which means the cartilage round your sternum becomes so inflamed that it pulls on all the chest, back and intercostal muscles leaving you, quite frankly, like a bag of sh*te.

But its half term and I have 4 kids off school and a lot of house work to manage. That’s when it occurred to me. Am I being kind to myself? Do I really need to scrub the house right now because my back is hurting which means my chest is flaring up again. Do I really need to hang all the washing up and save the planet when I can just have throw it in the dryer and be done with it? Do I really need to stress about the kids eating healthy because actually eating crap for a few weeks wont actually kill them. I know shocker right?

What I’ve come to realise is that we are conditioned to endure. To be strong. That’s what makes our species absofuckinglutly amazing. Ice age? No problem. Black death? Screw you and the rat you rode in on. World Wars? We live to see another day. Zombie Apocalypse? Yeah bring it on we’ll survive those fuckers too.

So it’s easy to soldier on. To let enduring become our normal. But you don’t have to. Just stop for a minute and ask yourself two things:

Does this make me happy?

Am I being kind to myself?

There is no way in hell I would let my best mate look after 4 children by herself whilst scrubbing a house, doing laundry, doing infinite cooking all whilst suffering from a dodgy chest. But I was quite happy to do that to myself. Because I’m strong. Because I’m tough. But apparently, I’m also an idiot.

Because I don’t need to be tough on myself. I can be kind to myself. I can choose to take the easy route. Which goes totally goes against my nature. And probably goes against yours too. Ever read a book that was meh but you carried on reading it anyway? Yep that’s because you aint a quitter! But man what a waste of time, right? You should have been doing something you love instead!

Sometimes you have to be strong and fight the world. Sometimes you have to fight to survive. Sometimes that just means fighting your own mind and your own fears. Sometimes you have to crawl bloodied and beaten to get through Hell and I know many of you can attest to that. So as Goggins said in his inspiring book,

Stay Hard

But don’t forget to be kind to yourself too.

Because you can be both.

The world needs balance and so do you