Lucky Bamboo

It’s frustrating isn’t it, when you have all these big dreams. When you work hard for years but sometimes feel like you’re not making progress. To everyone around you, you seem to be though. Maybe you have a nice family and a good car. A beautiful home and are well paid. A life to be envious of? But deep down, you still feel unsatisfied. For me the progress I’ve made doesn’t seem enough and I’m about to move into a £200k house! But if I’m honest, it’s just not enough. Because I have a very big vision of the world I want to live in. Yes it includes nice cars and homes, luxury holidays and designer stilettos. But actually, after spending 3 years working on my Money Mindset, I’ve come to realise, the money will always come but it’s the work that’s important. The money was my driving force but actually, my soul is yearning for something bigger. And that’s why I always feel unsatisfied. Because I feel unfulfilled.

So I pulled an oracle card for myself last night, in the hopes of some clarity, as you do; and as always, it hit the nail on the head. My deck is depicted with beautiful images of Kuan Yin (By Alana Fairchild). Kuan Yin is a Buddhist Diety often depicted with many arms, each holding a different tool. And that resonates with me because of the amount of different skills I have.

The beauty of Kuan Yin is that she never knows which tools are needed, she trusts that she will have the right one available when she needs it. Like a centipede with a hundred legs; she just trusts that she won’t fumble or get caught up in herself. She trusts her instincts and her journey and knows that she we be able to cope with whatever comes along. When you’re walking, you don’t have to think about what your legs, bones and muscles need to do, do you? You just walk and eventually you get to where you want to go. Kuan Yin has faith that she has the right tool and will know whats needed so she has faith that it will all turn out as it’s meant to, so why worry? (Analysis Paralysis we call it in the business world)

So I pulled this beautiful card and it talked about the power of bamboo. I’m pining for something bigger then myself right now which I find incredibly annoying and frustrating. Patients in not one of my virtues! But the card reminded me of Bamboo. For years it hides underground. Digging in its roots, absorbing the rain, building its strength. Changing on a cellular level. But from above, well it’s just dirt isn’t it? But once the timing is right, Bamboo goes through a massive acceleration and grows to massive heights seemingly overnight.

So what I wanted to say to you this week is: what if you (and I) just have faith that everything we need to support us is going on behind the scenes. And when the timing is right, everything and everyone will pop up just when it’s needed to help you grow into this amazing person the world needs you to be.

The acorn doesn’t panic it’s not going to become an Oak. It just accepts that’s where it will end up someday. So trust that you are growing, every single day. Everything you need will be provided, when the timing is right. Trust in the process. Gather your strength. And have faith that you’ll be ready when the time comes.

Oracle Deck by Alana Fairchild illustrated by Zeng Hao

THE ONE THING THAT CHANGED MY LIFE FOR THE BETTER

So let’s face it, life is pretty tough sometimes. And to be honest, I’m going through a rough time at the minute, as so many of us are (You can read about this HERE if you’re having a bad time too). I’ve got 4 children. My two eldest have ADHD and my two youngest well, the baby is cutting her molars (poor baby) and my two year old is right in the mix of the terrible two’s! My house is LOUD and coming to visit us isn’t for the faint hearted. And just as we come up to the crazy run up to Christmas, we are about to move into a new house with no furniture (and only a hope and a prayer (and the Law of attraction) to make sure it all gets delivered in time for Christmas). I’ve got two products to develop and launch: one before Christmas and one for the New Year. Plus 4 kids with various coughs, colds and snotty noses. Needless to say I am sleep deprived and STRESSED. And as we so often do when we are stressed, we slip into a negative mindset. So this week I wanted to tell you a quick piece of advice if you’re feeling stressed too.

I was lying in bed a few months ago. My eldest daughter was snuggled next to me. I was thinking of the terrible shooting that had occurred in yet another school in America. I was getting really upset thinking God, imagine all those parents getting their kids ready for school like I will be in a minute. Packing their lunches, reminding them to pack their homework or PE kit. Giving them a hug and kiss as they left. Not realising that they would never, ever get the chance to do that again. Just a normal school day. Like any other. Except that on that day, their children never came home.

And I lay there, my heart breaking for all those poor parents.

So with tears in my eyes, I cuddled my Bella closer to me; so grateful for a moment shared in comfort and peace.

She had a faint smile on her lips so I asked her,

‘What are you thinking of sweetheart?’

And she answered in a way that absolutely floored me. It changed my life forever.

‘Flowers and Roses Mummy’ she said.

I was confused. ‘What do mean love? There’s no flower’s in here’

‘I know’ she said. ‘But I was looking at how pretty the sequins are on the curtains. The way the light is hitting them, it makes them sparkle and they reminded me of flowers and roses Mummy. They look soooo beautiful’

And in that moment, my world shifted. Because I had forgotten one of my core beliefs. The thing that I tell my clients of over and over again: That happiness is a CHOICE.

It’s so so easy to find and focus on the negative stuff in the world. But just a slight shift in perspective changes it all. As we get older it’s so easy to fall into the trap of seeing the world through a negative filter.

But children are so precious. They see the world through a completely different lens. Well nurtured children are so happy. They have so much love to bring to the world, these amazing little beings of light. We can learn a lot from them.

So the next time you think the world is shit, you’ve got to make a conscious effort to shift your thoughts. (Sometimes it takes a huge effort) and remember, as my Bella so eloquently put it, to ALWAYS look for the Flowers and Roses.

Energetic Vampires and What to do about them

 Energy vampires and How to deal with them

We all have that one person in our life that you think Ahhh I can’t be doing with you today. The people who drain you. Who will suck the life out of you. And that’s because they do. Not on purpose. They’re not evil! But they do make you feel lousy. Now it’s pretty tough if that person is a loved one. And God help you if it’s your partner! Because what happens is: life, nature, energy, is always struggling to balance itself out. Opposites attract. The ebb and flow of the tide, osmosis in nature, good and bad, yin and yang. Vibrational energy is a fascinating topic and I’ll talk more in depth about it another time but for the time being:

Imagine you’re a big old smart phone wobbling through the world (Go on imagine it. It’ll make you laugh, especially if you’re in a busy place) Now you’ve had a busy day and you didn’t sleep well but you know life is good and you’re an optimistic person so your energy levels are usually rocking round the 80% mark. But your Bluetooth is on. And then you get to work and that dude who get’s on your nerves is in. S/he is a miserable sod and they are always complaining and bitching about something. Their car wouldn’t start, they moaned about loosing their keys for a whole week! And when you sit next to them, as the day wears on, you feel yourself feeling more and more wound up. Your energy levels start to drop and you get pissed off at little things that shouldn’t bother you but they really do. This is because when someone is radiating at a very low vibration they will naturally pull energy from a higher vibration person. Their Bluetooth is on too and they’re just all up in there taking whatever they need while you’ll left wonder wtf is going on.

Now most energetic vampires aren’t aware they’re doing it. EV’s are usually people who are going through a really rough time lately. Or have had a really, really bad childhood. They get stuck in their own pain and sorrow and don’t know how to pull themselves out of it because to them it’s their normal. They don’t know the world can be different. Poor things. HOWEVER ITS NOW 3 YEARS AFTER I WROTE THIS BLOG AND I DISCOVERED SOMETHING NEW ABOUT EVs!🤯 BUT CARRY ON READING AND I’LL TELL YOU ABOUT IT AT THE BOTTOM, COZ IT’LL MAKE MORE SENSE THEN🤔

Other people are quite happy in their misery. The ones who look forward to things going wrong so they have something to complain about. They’ve had a shit life and seem to be pissed off waiting to die. (Im thinking of grumpy pensioners here obviously) Now there are people who are aware they’re doing it but probably don’t realise why it makes them feel good. These people thrive on bringing other people down to their level because it bolsters them up. These are usually the toxic husband or wife who like to moan, kick off of critise, the boss at work who loves to bully you, the criminals and other unsavoury souls who thrive on other people pain. These are the people who will criticise you but pass it off with a smile like it’s a compliment. Watch out for the crafty ones, they can be charming one minute and a twat the next. Narcissist are definitely energetic vampires. The crafty ones are the ones who get you on a high before they bring you down.

Now sometimes we can’t avoid these people. They’re just in our lives as a partner or a neighbour or (worst of all) a boss. So the way your protect yourself is to ground yourself. It’s very easy and you can learn to do it HERE

But what you should do, is also remember that these people are the way they are because someone stole their light too. They will have been through bad times and probably had no one to help them. And yes we all go through bad times. But having worked with the public for 15 years and met literally hundreds of thousands of people in course of my career, I can say with a fair amount of confidence that there are three types of people.

1. There are those people who let their pain consume them. It’s those people who’s pain is so bad they can’t find a way out so it burns their goodness away. The alcoholics, the drug addicts, the people who end up rough sleepers or end up abusers themselves.

2. Those who take their pain go “My life sucks” and then do it again, and again and again. The people who move from one abusive relationship to the next. Who stay in a job no matter how much they hate it, no matter how bad it gets. These are the people who fail to see the lesson because they are scared of change because their brain is terrified of change even if its their comfort zone that is slowly killing them. So they repeat it over and over again because feeling something that is familiar is safer to them then stepping into the unknown. And it’s heart breaking to watch if you know someone like this.

3. Those who take their pain, inspect it, learn from it and move on. The high achievers, the ones who don’t quit. The ones who people go, “Well it’s ok for them, their life’s perfect. They’re dead lucky” They’re not. You just won’t know their down because they ain’t down for long.  People like me who heal their own pain so they can help others heal theirs. They become teachers, therapists or that wonderful boss who makes you feel amazing. These are the high vibration people who willing share their energy.

So what to do about energetic vampires? Well first ground yourself the second you realise you’re dealing with one. (Learn this Here) And as they try to bring you down just wish a load of love on them. Pray (if your that way inclined) for them to find true love and happiness. Imagine a cloak of white light and mentally wrap it round them. Pull up a feeling of love or joy and wrap it round them. It won’t drain you but it will help them. There’s a little child living in all of us. Some of those children need more love then others. A mental hug if you like. As John Lennon said,

All you need is love.

PS: Obviously this post refers to people you may meet on a day to day basis. If you are living with an energetic vampire, especially if it’s an abusive relationship you can’t help them because of the energy draining vampires narcissistic personality you can send all the love you like at the fucker, but it won’t change a damn thing. Because it is down to them to learn to heal their own wounds. You cannot change other people, you can only ever change yourself.

And while I can help you change your world, dealing with problem relationships isn’t my zone of genius. But there are other people out there who can help just googele support groups in your area or on facebook.

I hope you enjoyed this article, if you’d like to learn more about developing your natural intuition you can click HERE to go to the intuition section.

If you’d like to learn more about how to navigate this crazy life and get my top tips for improving your health, wealth, love and happiness you can sign up to my newsletter by clicking HERE and also receive links to my latest videos too. Or go and check out my Youtube channel by clicking HERE

🖖Queenie 😘

UPDATE

So since I orginaly wrote this blog I’ve continued to work on my little spirit and gone through massive uplevels (as ya do 🙃) and I discovered something SHOCKING lately. I am an energetic vampire and you probably are too 🙀 because HEALERS ARE ENERGETIC VAMPIRES TOO! I know, shocking right? And you probably don’t believe me so let me explain. I love hugs. And cuddles . And if you’ve watched any of my VIDEOS you’ll see im a bubbly happy little soul who’s passionate about helping people make their lives better. But what I realised lately is that it can actually be quite invasive to take cuddles and hugs from people. I’m a very touchy touchy feely feely person when im in love but my new love isn’t that way inclined. We were holding hands when I sensed he wanted to turn away. Now previously I would have saw this as a rejection but becuase I have healed the abandonment wound (nearly everyone has it, especially if your parents split up) I knew it wasn’t him energetically pushing me away, he just didn’t feel comfortable any more. Now in the passed I would have snuggled in to his back but I had a massive AHA moment. I realised I was acting like an energetic vampire! Becuase cuddling into him, makes me feel good. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside and I get a nice calm feeling that makes me feel peaceful as all those lovely endorphins are released. But actually what I was doing was trying to take more then he was willing to give which 💯is being an energetic vampire. So know when he pulls away, I accept that he isn’t rejecting me, he just feels uncomfortable and he’s protecting his own energy and his own heart. Yes it makes me sad a little, so I tell him ‘I love cuddling in to you and it makes me feel sad when you turn away (becuase expressing how you FEEL is important for builiding a solid relationship) but I also always tell him ‘I will never take more then you are willing to give’ becuase damnding he give me more then he can is not an equal relationship. That’s you not fulfilling your own needs and demanding someone else becomes responsible for fulfilling your own happiness, and thats not ok becuase if you don’t know how to make yourself happy, how can someone else?

(and I’ll talk about this at a later date. Self love is a huge subject and im still learning, but I promise I’ll tell you more when I figure it all out 😘)

Battle Fatigue and Why life is shit right now

 So there are many times in a Lightbears life when you think, ‘I just can’t take any more of this shit’ and then, of course, the God’s laugh and throw something bigger at you. And it’s tough. It sucks. Big time. I’ve always had big life lessons (Have you read my About me page yet?) but this is different. And that’s what I wanted to talk to you about this week.

The last time I went through a huge uplevel was back in 2007. Not long after I was in caught up in the London bombings, in the space of two years, I was nearly raped, my childhood friend died suddenly age 29 after being on life support for 5 days, I lost my job (as result of the rape), had a mental breakdown, was unable to find work because the economy crashed, lost my business investments and my home, found out I was pregnant, had several miscarry scares, had to declare bankruptcy, was in labour for 68 hours, got traumatised by one of my doctors which resulted in a forceps delivery; the trauma of which left me with post natal depression.

But it wasn’t just me. At that time, everyone seemed to be going through hell .The whole world had an energetic wake up when the economy crashed. People were taking themselves out of the game by committing suicide. It seemed everyone knew someone who was dying of cancer. Honestly there were so many people (particularly light bearers) who went through hell. And it seems to be happening again. 11 Years later, in a 11 year (2018 = 2+1+8) you can learn about how I got stalked by the number 11 here

But it’s not just me. The whole world seems to be going psycho again.  America is like a bad episode Jeremy Kyle. And it would be funny if it wasn’t so terrifyingly similar to Hitlers Nazis regime; Peaceful religions are being dominated by lunatics who are hell bent on taking over the world. The planet is dying as we poison it on a daily basis. Honestly the world seems to be one gigantic mess. But as the saying goes, “So what. Who cares?” we’ve all got a sob story to tell, right? And to be honest I really couldn’t be arsed this week to reach out to you. I spent a rollercoaster 10 minutes on Sunday hiding in the bathroom sobbing like a lunatic. And I never cry. I just didn’t get it. I felt so confused. One minute im fine and the world is great. Next minute I’m bipolar and I felt like I just couldn’t take this shit any more. I normally do my blogs on a Sunday night (UK time) but I just couldn’t be arsed this week because how can I give hope to others when I feel broken myself? But here we are, 2 days later. I pushed on because I know it’s not just me going through this shit.

Lots of my clients right now are teetering on the edge of emotional meltdowns. Their lives are a rollercoaster. One minute your fine and the world is this beautiful amazing place and next minute you feel like your drowning and every time you think you can catch your breath, another wave comes crashing down over your head.

So what I want to say is this: It’s ok. You’re not alone. There are many of us the world over going through what you’re going through right now. It’s ok to feel lost or feel like you’re drowning.  Or that you can’t take it any more. (And that’s bloody hard to admit when you’re a strong person) But it’s going to be ok. Yes it’s overwhelming, yes it’s traumatic and yes sometimes you feel like your heart and chest are going to break with the pain of it all. But its ok. Because I promise you. It’s for a damn good reason, even if you can’t see what that reason is right now.

 Yes your world is crashing down around your ears right now. Why? Because you can’t build a new future on unstable ground. Everything around you is being razed to the ground so you can start fresh!

Remember the Phoenix? It doesn’t fight the fire. Yes it hurts like hell when you’re going through it, but that’s the point. Having been through pain beyond endurance (Not just 68 hours of labour. I’ve been through pain worse than that) I can tell you, when you’re in pain, when you are CONSUMED by it, it burns everything away. And it doesn’t matter if it’s physical pain or mental pain, current hurts or remembered ones; it burns everything away. When it hurts so bad that you can’t even breathe, the pain literally strips you bare; until all that is left is YOU.

My pain, my traumas, they set me free. I know who I am at my core. When everything was taken away from me, when there is nothing left to give, I learned who I am and what I’m capable of. Not many people reach that level of self awareness. Because with that pain comes a confidence that is unshakeable. And it lit me up. I’m like a beacon in the dark now. And this pain that you’re going through now, this heartache, it will set you free.

Yes it hurts like a bitch. It won’t kill you, but it will break you. And that’s the point. Please just trust in the process.

If you’re a strong person you will feel like you are being hit with wave after wave of shittyness. Probably all at once. BECAUSE THAT’S HOW MUCH IT TAKES TO BREAK YOU! Because you need to reach a point, not were you give up (if you’re like me you’ll never let that happen) but were you’ve just got no more fight left in you. Were you’re battle fatigued and you can no longer swing back. That’s the point were the magic happens! You are not meant to fight the tide. You can’t win against the ocean. When we surrender the fight, when we no longer have the energy to swim but refuse to sink, then my friend and only then, will you let the tide carry you.

My Gladiator tattoo. Done after I was nearly raped in 2006. It was inspired by the film the 300. They went to war not because they wanted to. But because it needed to be done. It’s my little reminder that I’m stronger then I think I am.

The Invictus was added this year. When I heard the Invictus Poem (By William E. Hensley) it was the second stanza that called to me

This poster can be purchased at https://thecaptainslog.com/shop/invictus-poster-a3/

Why you don't have to niche down in your career

So following on from the myth of Happily Ever After let’s talk about careers and more importantly, niching down. So most people’s careers look something like this: school, post education, university, master’s degree, maybe Phd, a few little odd jobs along the way until you leave higher education and begin your career. Yey! Or you skip the whole Uni phase, go straight to work, bounce around a few different jobs, find one you like/are good at (not necessarily the same thing) work your way up the ladder until you find somewhere that feels comfortable enough to stop. But then you have to specialise. Competition’s coming up that ladder. The pressures on. Suddenly experience isn’t enough. You need verification but a degree isn’t enough you need a MBA, or a masters or a PhD. Self employed? You need to find your niche, your tribe, be a leader, shine out in the crowd. Find your one big thing that you’re an expert in and sing it to the world.

But actually, that’s not necessarily true. For starters not everyone is academic. Richard Branson, the world’s most famous business man, didn’t even finish secondary school. And we all know how well he did. And niching down, creates it’s own problems. My husband had a friend at university. A Phd specialist who was studying the effects of drugs on mice. Yes, he was a Pinky and the Brain drug pusher. His research was ground breaking, fascinating. He is one of the cleverest people we have ever met. And do you know what he does now? He works for the Post Office!

courtesy of www.imgflip.com

His niche, his field of genius, his area of expertise, was such a small field that he couldn’t find a job. And the only reason he got the job in the post office was because he left it of his CV. Shocking isn’t it? But do you know what’s more shocking? He loves his jobs. Because after years of studying and having all this pressure to meet deadlines, follow the rules, jump through the loop holes and be buried in research and books day in and day out; now he just goes to work and comes home. No pressure, no complicated decisions. He has space not only to think, but also to breathe. Is he highly successful? By regular standards no. He’s not rich or powerful or doing a life changing job. But by my standards, I’d say he was pretty damn successful. He is happy, he does a job that fulfils him and has a nice lifestyle because of it. He gets his wages at the ended of the month and he’s happy. But he had unfortunately followed the carrot. Do this because you’re good at it, it will make you successful. Everyone else is doing it, you should too. But did it make him happy or would those years have be better severed doing something else?

Now as an entrepreneur obviously it’s important to have a niche in some respect. Because if you don’t know what you have to offer, you’ll have nothing to sell. The same goes for your career. But being solely focused on one path isn’t all you have to be. It’s ok to be multi passionate because it makes you more versatile and more importantly, more employable. Recruiters love speaking to people who have taken a year out to travel because humans by nature love to explore. Why? Because it gives us new insights, new ways of thinking, new ways of looking at the world around us. Ideas and creativity are the life blood of the business world and if you are a creative type, it’s ok to pursue that. My niche (because of all the weird, wonderful and terrifying things I’ve done) is to help people through change. To help find their passion in life and pursue their own happiness. Do you know why? Because when you shine, you light up the people around you. And that’s what I love. Lighting people up. So it’s ok if you can’t find a box your skill set fits into. Or if you feel you don’t have the right amount of qualifications. I have lots of qualifications and I studied all of them because I was absolutely fascinated by the subject. Which is great. But I met so many people at Uni who were studying just because they were expected to have just one more qualification to their portfolio, even if that qualification had absolutely nothing to do with their dream career. Which is absolutely maddening. Why get into all that debt to get a piece of paper that you don’t even want in the first place? I used to panic because I had all these random qualifications and skills. But what I didn’t realise (because I couldn’t see my future path) was I needed all these skills to make me a good coach. Because I pursued things that made me happy I developed a life long passion for learning but  I never fitted into pigeon holes. And if you don’t fit into them either don’t worry. You just can’t see how they fit together yet because you weren’t meant to be squashed into a box. You my friend, were meant to fly.

The Happy Ever After Myth

So, following on from making dreams come true, lets swing the conversation in a different direction and talk about the ‘Happily Ever After Illiusion’. You see it all the time. The princess riding off into the sun set with her prince. The old couple sitting in your local pub, still happily married after 30 years. Still going out every Saturday night just like they have done every week since 1982! The old fella on the train telling you about the 30 years he worked in the Navy.

Do you remember that time at school when you had to pick your options and decide, at 14, what you wanted to do when you left university! I remember all this pressure about what you had to pick because you needed to get good GCSE’s to get good A-levels, to get on to the right degree course, because you know those are really hard to get onto. All so you can get a ‘good’ job and buy a nice house and a nice car and live happily ever after. At 14. Like seriously, what the fuck? My mum was still making my tea and toast at that age!

My husband Tonny and I have just celebrated our 20 year anniversary. 10 years married, 20 years together. And it got me thinking. What made us last twenty years? Are we classed as living Happily Ever After.? Because God knows not all of those years have been good. But on the surface we look like the happily ever couple. The couple people strive to be. Good looking, fun at parties, beautiful kids, good careers, luxury holidays. But there have been times when we have absolutely wanted to kill each other. Did Cinderella, I wonder, ever chuck her glass slipper at Prince Charming’s head? Did Cinderella ever roll in drunk after a night out at the ball and spew all over Princes Charming’s bathroom so that when he staggered in after her he nearly slipped and fell? (True story!)

At school we’re told to pick a career to study towards at university so we can get a good career (the work happily ever after myth). At sixteen when most people have never even had a job! So how the hell will we know what will make us happy? Until we go out and experiment. We look at all these successful people who are 30,40,50 and have a dream lifestyle. But that’s just the surface. What we don’t see is what journey they took to get there. We mistakingly believe they landed in their dream job but how many different jobs did they have along the way? Have they done that job for 30 years or have they bounced about a bit before they learned what they were successful at. Or more importantly, what they enjoyed. I’ve actually lost count of the amount of jobs I’ve had. And to be honest, I used to feel really bad about that. My husband has only worked for 2 companies in the twenty years we’ve been together. But as a coach, I’ve learned that as people we are all geared to think in different ways. Some people thrive on change (like me) some people thrive on stability (like Tonny). But there is a huge amount of pressure for us to just find that one thing to make us happy whether it be a house, a career or a life long partner.

But what it actually boils down to is we are living in a society that fears diversity and change. And I don’t mean that in a racist, white supremacist, everything that isn’t A1 Typical is bad. I mean people are scared of failing. Of things ending. But living happily ever after IS an illusion. Life would be pretty damn boring if there was only one thing out there that could make you happy. Imagine a world where you only had your one favourite flavour of ice cream. It would be amazing wouldn’t it? But after 5 years would it still be amazing?

Take the man who was in the Navy for 30 years for example. Maybe he wanted to be a builder, or a singer or a ballet dancer. Maybe what he isn’t telling you is that he absolutely hated the sea but when he was a teenager signing up for the Navy seemed like a good idea at the time. And every time he came home from sea everyone was so proud of him, at how well he was doing. Well he couldn’t exactly turn round and say he spent his first trip spewing all over the Atlantic could he? It would ruin the illusion. So he kept plodding on. And next thing he knew 30 years had passed and (sorry for the pun) he found his happiness ship had sailed.

My old English teacher told me that when she left school she was told to be a teacher because she did well at her exams. So she did. She had a very long and distinguished career and all the other teachers loved her. But she was an absolute twat. And she made loads of kids miserable every day, every year, for decades! And if we hated her lessons, maybe she did too. So what was the point? Because people feel they have to live up to other people’s expectations. But why?

Because deep down, we are scared of letting people down. Of letting ourselves down. But most of all, we’re scared of making the wrong choice! But good or bad life is full of adventures. And why does something ending have to be seen as bad thing?

Every time I ended a job, I went on to something different. Sometimes it was good, sometimes it was baaaadddd! But every time I got to meet new people, learn new things. But most of all I developed as a person. My spirit grew and I learned something new about myself. Because that’s what life is about. And even though we are conditioned to think there is that one big happily ever after thing that will make us happy, there isn’t. Life is about Yin and Yang, good times and bad, things beginning and things ending. Guess what? One day, your poor little body will give out and this life will end. AND THAT’S OK! Because the wonderful spirit that is YOU will float out and find something better to do. Because what people fail to realise, in this illusion that we call happily ever after, is that things end all the time.

Are you still at school? No. Are you still at your first job? (God I hope not). Are you still with your first love? (Maybe) Are you still the same person you was when you were 14? No! Because life is about change. In the industrial revolution when cottage industries died off and factories were born, the factory owners didn’t want their employees (who were taught in their schools) running off to the big cities to pursue a wonderful and interesting and varied career. They wanted employees that would be grateful just to have a job, that would take any shitty shift and pay and instead of complaining say, ‘Please Sir, can I have some more?’ and still be ‘loyal’ to the company 30 years later. Because the world was a crappier place back then. There wasn’t any social security, we were reliant on crops. If things failed, your life would come crashing down round your ears. People needed dependability. And that’s great. To some extent. It’s ok for things to stay the same. IF THAT’S WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY. But if you find yourself no longer happy in your career, or your home or with your car, its ok to seek something new. Happily Ever After for me, means the constant pursuit of happiness. And yes of course there are bad times. But without them, how would we learn what we don’t like? How would we know what happiness was if it wasn’t for sadness? (Yin and Yang) So when the happiness starts to fade. When your car begins to knock, or your job no longer fulfils you, don’t be afraid to move onto something different. Yes its scary as hell. But someone out there might be desperate for such a position. You might be standing in the way of someone else’s happiness. And if you’re brave enough to look at change as an adventure, rather than something to fear, life will be filled with the constant pursuit of happiness. Look at kids. They have so much fun, exploring the world around them. Of trying new things of having to always LEARN new things. You were that child once. Were did that sense of adventure go? Think of it like a big glass of your favourite drink. When the happiness runs out you wouldn’t stand at the bar all sad because your glass is all empty until you died  miserably of thirst. You would go and fill it back up again. So keep perusing your happiness my friend. Keep your glass full. Always.

Why it's ok to be Weird

Do you have a wonderful passion that everyone else thinks is a little bit weird? Do you have an amazing idea for a business or career that is a little bit, off the wall? Or you really really good at something that͛’s a little bit unique? My BBB (Best Business Buddy) is a Romance Coach. Her passion is to help people find the love of their lives by first learning to love themselves. However, she also likes to play the Ukulele. Which she developed as a hobby which led to her being asked to take over a group, which she now developed into a business sideline which branched off into playing gigs at the weekend and, more importantly, developing an online Ukulele school. How does this relate to romance? On the surface? Not one single bit! How does it relate to her business? Two fold. 1. Several times a week she does something that absolutely lights her up and makes her happy. (Law of attraction anyone?!) and 2. To teach people, you have to talk to them. Whne she gets talking love, romance and partners come up too. And boom she finds all the clients she needs. My hobby is hairdressing. I thrive on change and love being creative. At the moment, I have fire hair! (Which I did myself thank you very much) how does that relate to being a coach? When I walk into a room, everyone notices me. I stand out in a crowd. And people come and chat to me. People stop me in the street to talk. And when I talk, 99% of the time I find they have a problem that I can help them with and I get to light someone up. Which is pretty awesome. Now, not every hair brained weird skill is transferable to business. In order to make your one weird thing successful is to know deep down that this is the thing that you were put on the earth to do. That you are the best in the world and you are amazing at this shit. And it doesn͛t really matter what that shit is. This blog is all about the power success. Of having faith in your own power and knowing deep down that you are meant to do something amazing on this big ole rock we call earth. Even if that thing is weird. Take Muhammad Ali for example. He punched people dead ͚ard (as we say here in Liverpool) in the face for a living. And he was fucking amazing at it. And he pursued it with all his heart and passion. And what happened? He not only became a world champion, but he also became a world LEADER! He stood up in protest against the Vietnam War. He fought against racism and was a campaigner for social change and campaigned for racial integration with Malcom X. He was also a political activist, a philosopher, philanthropist, musician, actor and humanitarian who (according to an article by Greatest Sports Heroes of All Times: North American Edition. 2006) fed an estimated 22 million people in poverty. Did Muhammad Ali know what was in his future? Probably not. As a light bearer he may have had an inkling. But what matters is that he trusted his instincts. He pursued his passion with everything he had. To quote from my favourite book The Alchemist, He ͞fought the good fight͟. And he was a winner through and through. Because he followed his passion. And in doing so he changed the world for the better. So it͛s ok to be a bit weird. To like other things that people find weird. To have passions and interests that you know, deep down, in some way, the world needs. Because if in doing that thing, it makes other people smile. Then go and bring that to the world. The word needs more smiles my friend. And who knows where that path will lead?

Image courtesy of David Avacado Wolfe

Awesome Gift for Husband

When Dreams Come True

Tonny and I have just celebrated our 20 year anniversary. (I know shocking right!) but now we’ve got four kids (with 2 under age 3) going out together is a bit of a mission, and quite frankly a headache for my poor Mum who has to babysit. (I don’t trust ANYONE with my kids) But 20 years is a huge achievement and I wanted to celebrate. And to be fair after 20 years, its bloody hard to find a gift that you haven’t already given. So, I thought, mmmm what can I do now? Last year I was in hospital for our anniversary so we wanted to really celebrate. So what did we do? We went for a few pints and some nacho’s and chickenwings. Not the big romantic meal one might expect. (Hey we’ve done the whole champagne and candle light before. After the first few times it loses it magic. Your eyes hurt ‘coz the lights too dim. The food and champagne is nice but so is a good pint. I’m not trying to impress anyone. I dealt with my ego a long time ago. Sometimes there’s nothing better then a cold beer after a long days work). Anyway being sleep deprived because of the babies for the last 3 years, we couldn’t be arsed with a big ol’ shebang. So I was happy to dress down for once (yes that does still include 3” high heals, hair and make up done. It is ME after all!) But I did want to make it special. So I gave my husband: a dream come true.

Image Courtesy of https://www.facebook.com/ExtremeBucketList/

Tonny has always wanted to go to Oktoberfest. But we’ve never quite been able to get round to it. So instead of a trinket like a nice watch, or something that will be lost in a draw, I gave him a happy memory instead. An adventure. But because I couldn’t go, rather than miss out, I paid for his brother to go too. Why? Because money (once you understand its gift) isn’t important. It’s a tool. Creating happy memories was more important to me then who creates them. Some (insecure) people have thought I was mad. ‘What you’re paying for them to go to Germany and get pissed while you stay stuck at home with four kids? What if he cheats on you?’ Me: What if he has an amazing time and remembers that life can be an adventure. And what if I’m teaching our kids (by example) that its ok not to live in fear? To trust and to know that if he was going to cheat, nothing I did would stop it because people only cheat when they’re unhappy? So actually, by giving him something fun to do, he will be happy. He will be renewed. He’ll blow off steam like we all need to do (especially when you’ve got kids) and what if we all just remember that life is for living. Not for living in fear of lack or loss.

I’ve given my husband the gift of a dream come true and honestly, it feels amazing. They flew out yesterday and as the adventure begins and I can’t wait to see what they get up to. Because that’s what life’s really about. Exploring. Whether it’s new places or new ideas or even just meeting new people or trying new food. It so easy to get stuck in the comfort zone of routine. But fear is a choice. What would the world be like for you if you started aiming for your dreams instead of forgetting you had them? When was the last time you had an adventure? When did you fulfil a dream? More importantly when are you going to start crossing things off your bucket list? Tell me, when your old and decrepit and your teeth have fallen out, what memories will you be looking back on???

What to do when the universe puts you on a time out

Over New Year, as we crept in to 2015, my children and I had been very ill with a flu epidemic. I ended up with pneumonia that not only landed me in hospital for 4 days, but it also nearly killed me. But that wasn't the cause, that was the effect. You see, being on the Spiritual Entrepreneur's path my life has been a roller coaster of harsh, but totally beneficial, lessons. I was nearly raped, was in the London bombings, have had a nervous breakdown (as a result of the attempted rape), been bankrupt, had post natal depression, I could go on and on and on. But if you know me in real life, you would never guess ive been through so much. Because I learned very early on in my life, that I had an important job to do here on the planet and everything I go through is just training for that role. So I take it on the chin, laugh instead of crying and generally role with the punches. Whenever life knocks me down, I always get back up, thank God for the lesson and move on with a smile on my face and a skip in my step.

So, the reason why I ended up nearly dying was my own fault. Whaaatttt? How can getting pneumonia be your fault I hear you say. Well for months I had been trying to find my path. You know, that one role in life that lights you up. Artist paint, writers write. But i've got so many talents and so much experience I still didn't know how the hell it all fits together into a marketable role and I felt, in my heart and bones that there was still a huge (and hopefully final) lesson I was still meant to learn. So I whispered a little prayer, 'Whatever it is, bring it on. I'm ready for whatever you need to throw at me.' Ohhh be careful what you wish for! 

48 hours later I woke up suffocating! At hospital in the A&E, with my Mum trying not to cry at my bedside, I knew everything would be ok. 'But Claire, your so ill?' my Mum said, face streaked with fear and worry. 'Look Mum, it's just another lesson. Im going to be fine' and I pointed to the tiny white weather that was lying on my chest.The same white feather that hadn't been there all day despite the fact that I hadn't moved from my bed for 16 hours. So that's what this post is about. Not what I went through, but what I learned (or rather what I forgot. I'll explain in a minute)

So after the Pneumonia kicked my arse, I ended up bed ridden, even breathing was agony and as I slowly got better I suffered with chronic fatigue syndrome. So I basically spent 3 months in bed. Which for someone as driven and hyperactive as me (Im pretty sure I have ADHD too) this was hell! But during that time, I realised I had tried everything to find my path, everything except doing absolutely nothing. And so I was forced to learn the Art of Surrendering!

As soon as I stopped trying to figure out my life, it all started to flow. I remember watching Tony Robbins on Oprah talking to a crowd of 3000 people and thinking wow, i'd love to do that. And my second thought was, Oh i couldn't do that (hello frightened little lizard brain) so my third thought was, Why the hell not? 

And I swear within a week at least three different people said to me, 'You should be a motivational speaker, your really good at helping people' And as soon as I thought, 'Mmmm with all my experience maybe I should go into coaching?' my friend mentioned he had a family friend who he thought I should meet, he was a life coach and he'd offered to meet me for a chat, free of charge. As soon as I had given up looking for my path, the universe literally plonked it in my lap. As soon as I realised I needed to surrender, I got my health back and found myself training as a Master Life Coach with the International Coaching Academy.

Buuuttttt, what a naughty girl I am! Because I forgot. This huge, massive life changing event that nearly killed me. Yeah, I forgot the lesson. So guess where I am now, two years later? On a Universal time out.

Yep you guessed it, im back on my arse stuck in bed! #facepalm so what went wrong? I started pushing again. I got so wrapped up in all the wonderful ways I can market myself, find my niche, do this course or that one, learn this skill to help me do this so people can find me online, but ahhh I don't know how to do that and this doesn't feel right and on and on and on round the merry go round I went. I wanted to get to my office every day because I LOVE what I can do, I feel peaceful in that space and I want to reach out to people and I so desperately want to help and ive spent £7k in the last 2 years investing in myself but it was always just out of reach. Because I forgot. I forgot that the universe is conspiring to help us. That as we put our dreams and thoughts into action there is a massive spiritual team behind you going noooo don't go that way what are you DOING? or going Yey she's finally recognising our signs YES #fistpump keep going, keep going your on the right path and we're all right behind you! 

But in the last 6 months I didn't see the signs that it was time to stop pushing. When we had to pull our 7 year old son out of school because they weren't supporting his needs. It's ok, I said, I'll home school him, i've got my office we'll make it work (we didn't) Or when my husband Tonny had to have knee surgery which left him unable to sleep and in agony for months all while he is trying to finish his final year at Uni and his Psychology dissertation project. (Stress anyone?) Or when my little girl said, 'Mummy, I made a wish to my guardian Angels to put a baby sister in you're belly because I've got two brothers and I really want a baby sister' I was 5 days 'late' so I did a pregnancy test and what do you know, I was pregnant with baby no 4. But I still didn't see the warning signs that it was time to shrink, not expand. Life is a tide, it ebbs and flows and instead of enjoying the movement, here I was trying to hold back an entire ocean of change wtf? Even when I suffered pregnancy exhaustion and ended up in bed yet again, it didn't twig. Did I stop pushing then? Did I sh**e. Do you know what I did? I bitched and moaned and wined that I was frustrated at being cooped up and I wrote a book on how I cured my chronic morning sickness. Then my Dad died. Suddenly, tragically. But did I think of myself? Nope, within an hour, despite being pregnant, I got a lift of a friend and made a 340 mile round trip to be there for my brother. Because he was there when it happened and I knew he wouldn't be able to cope. He needed my help and I went running. And I didn't stop running until the funeral was taken care of which has completely wiped out our saving (were emigrating to Canada) so I felt like it was back to square one yet again. 

But shortly before then, i'd had a huge AHA moment. I read an article about my close friend and fellow coach who was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 42 and boom, I found the reason why I am awesome at multi tasking, why I thrive on stress, why I NEED to be going ten to the dozen all the time because I friggen love it! I thrive on it. After reading the article im 99% certain I have ADHD too. But it's not debilitating, for me, it's more like a super power. (read the article here http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-4409646/What-s-REALLY-like-woman-ADHD.html) So I push and I push and while I didn't make myself ill or burn out (for once) despite all the stress of the last 6 months because i've become massively resilient to stress. Well with a life like mine you have to be. But the Universe said enough is enough misses, you need a time out.

So, at 22 weeks pregnant I started haemorrhaging. A lot. Scary shit. But the stupid thing was, id already been to hospital 3 times with bleeding in this pregnancy! I've got Placenta Previa, a potentially dangerous condition where the placenta lies across the cervix. Stupid, stupid stupid women. Why didn't I see the warning signs then? Because I forgot my lesson. I wasn't surrendering I was pushing. The more things the universe threw at me the more determined I was to get some work done. Because it fills me up, I thrive on it and I love it. It makes me happy, it's my form of escape from dirty nappy's and the boring day to day stuff we have to do like shopping and bills and dirty dishes. And we are told constantly: Do what lights you up thats where your calling is. Yes, for some people thats true. But not for me. The more I try to control things and adapt to change the less control of my destiny I seem to have.

So my Universal Spirit Guides kicked my legs out from under me yet again. Like a hyper active kid, I needed time on the naughty step to calm down and think about what i'd done. I was in hospital for four days. The first day was hell, I was scared of loosing my baby of going into early labour. The second day I was bored and complaining. My inner tigress was starting to prowl looking for something to keep me occupied (other then tv, my book and facebook) but then my husband pointed out, Queenie, what are you running away from except your own thoughts? By mentally moving so fast I am not giving my brain time to think. Ironic really. So by the third day I started to relax. To enjoy being in a quiet room with nothing to do but snooze and rest and read a good book.

But the universe has put me on my arse well and good, for the next 17 weeks. I am anaemic due to the blood loss so am tired all the time. I've been in bed most of the time since I got home. I even had to miss my Dads wake. Id stopped bleeding by that point and in the past I would have chanced it and gone, pushed my boundaries yet again. But I can't do that now. I can't risk going into early labour because so far, thank God my baby girl is ok. She's still kicking, still enjoying her nightly summersaults while I sit and ponder this lesson again.

And do you know what I've learned this time around? That the universe is lining everything up for me. It has a WAY bigger plan for me then what i've been trying to work on. While i've been waiting for things to come to me I've been thinking, well while I wait for that, I'll just do this. But what I failed to realise was that I had filled every minute of every day. And by doing so, I left no space for better things to flow. It's like writing. If we don't leave spaces, our message becomes jumbled and incoherent. While I'm constantly trying to chase my dream lifestyle and cope with the day to day task of raising three small children, one teenager and being 5 months pregnant, with a husband drowning in his final year university work, I forgot that the only job I need to really do is be still and open to receive. Don't get me wrong, you still need to do the work and learn your lessons. But think of it this way. You get a catalogue, flick through it and work out the pro's and the con's of what you want, will it do the job, does it suit you, is it a good fit for what you want and need. Once you've figured all that out you place your order. And then what happens? It gets delivered to you! You don't have to go out chasing the mail man, you just kick back and wait for it to turn up and of course sometimes it takes longer then expected. Patience is the key. But if your like me, then thats a damn hard lesson to learn which is why we must learn to surrender.

 I had a dream last night (which inspired this blog) and in it I received a very clear message. The Universe is lining everything up beautifully for me but just as it gets things into alignment, I move again, so it's like the universe is trying to hit a moving target. One of my clients (and long time family friend) is quickly becoming a hugely successful street artist. He too has been through a massive uplevel this year and when I told him how frustrated I was at being house bound again he laughed and said, 'Queenie, it's like when you go to the supermarket with your kids. The universe is trying to get you all the things you need but you keep getting distracted by everything else along the aisles. Stop trying to pull away, and learn to be happy being lead'.

So i'm making a conscious effort, every day, to not fill up every minute. To actually take the time to rest and recharge. To not catch up on work by buying more courses or watching more podcasts. Don't get me wrong I will do a little bit every day, because that's who I am, it's part of my nature and it's written in my DNA. But what we really need to learn is to keep space and time available for us to breathe and to grow. That is the nature and the art of surrendering. To being open to what is being brought to us, to stand (mentally) still and find our inner peace, to just be and not do all the fucking time. Which is hard when you have kids and even harder when you can't mentally switch off. Which is why Surrendering is a lesson to be learned. It doesn't come naturally to some of us so practice, revise ann whatever it is your chasing, let it go. Something better is waiting to fill its place. 

Don't feel disheartened, you'll get there in the end

There are many times in an light bearers life, especially ones who walk the entrepreneurs path, when we wonder are we ever going to make it BIG. We often have dreams of jet setting all over the world, walking on stages, spreading our light, in whatever form it presents itself: ,music, laughter, drama, motivational speaking, art or even presenting our business or products we've invented to crowds of adoring fans. Not for the vanity of self praise but for the shear joy off passing on our wisdom and helping those fans fill their hearts with joy so they too can become just a little bit more enlightened.

But there are of course, times when you doubt yourself. Not your potential because if your anything like me you will be born with a deep set, unshakeable confidence in your own abilities. Some call it arrogance, but it's not. Your soul, I believe, was put on this world with a journey and a job to fill. So the confidence comes not from the ego and arrogance but rather a place in your heart where your soul remembers who and really what you are in your core. 

A being born from the same energy that makes up the cosmos. But there are times when the path gets a bit narrow, shall we say. A bit rocky and precarious and the map that you thought was your golden ticket turns out to have led you down the wrong path. Or so you think.

So what do you do when you find yourself 'lost' and frustrated? At the times when your health may have been taken away, when your finances have gone to s***t? When you are stuck at home with poorly kids or the vision of a rockstar lifestyle are lost in piles of dirty washing, dirty plates and the non stop grind of a mediocre life?

Well, my friend, you can think of it this way. Imagine you are a little tiny daffodil bulb simmering under the frozen turf. You might feel cold and alone even if you are surrounded by other little bulbs. And on those cold and lonely days you have to remember that the dark rain clouds that rain down on you are feeding your roots. The cold is slowing your growth so that you don't blossom before the time is right. The dark shitty hole that your living in is actually filled with nutrients that will help you grow and expand as a person. This period, well, it's not forever. It's just a phase. The seasons will pass, slowly and laboriously but that's because each day you need to grow just a little bit more. If you grow to fast, you're roots won't sustain you and you'll find yourself in a cold harsh world that you haven't got the strength to cope with.

But if you're patient. If you take small daily persistent steps towards your dreams, it will be enough. Read a page, watch a webinar, write a blog, learn something, nourish your body and nourish your mind and one day, maybe some time soon, the weather will be right, the sun will shine bright and you'll find yourself emerging into a world that is fragrant and beautiful and bright and lit souly for you. And here, in this beautiful world your petals can bloom and bring a smile to all those people who are lucky enough to see you flower. And all those little bulbs that have been hiding in the dirt too? Well, you've shown them how to reach for the light and how beautiful you can be when you choose to let the dark nourish you instead of destroying you.

So be patient my friend. This is all part of the cycle of life. Sometimes we have to hunker down for the winter, but you know what, summer is often closer then we think. 

Why Feeling Like a Failure is Good for Your Business

It happens quite frequently as an Entrepreneur. We wake up some days, feeling drained, like you're stuck on hamster wheel, like no matter how hard you run you don't seem to get anywhere at all. It's heart breaking. When you're working so hard, pushing all the boundaries. Constantly learning new skills, tweaking here, editing there, investing in courses, reading (God soo many books!) and through it all you have to have faith that one day soon, it will all just click and the money will come puring in and off you can ride into the sunset with hundred dollar bills trailing in your wake. 

But every time you dare to lift your head from your keyboard, there it is, another over night millionaire sitting on a Ferrari telling you that their free webinar is the next big key to your success. How last year they were living in a card board box under a bridge like a troll (the scary ones, not the cute, all singing, all dancing, species). Do you know on average it takes twenty two years to become a millionaire! Yep, scary isn't it and frustrating too. But do you know what, those Ferrari sitting, sweet, talking muppets are just like you and me.

They are sitting behind laptops too. They have done the courses, read the books, and can talk the talk. I was in Harrods once and there were two women standing next to each other waiting for the lift. One had a big old baggy jumper on, nice jeans and comfy boots. She had little sparkly studs in her ears, nice nails, a big ol' handbag that she had her kids stuff in, you know, sippy cups, bags of quavers, chocolate buttons, you know: the essentials.  Her skin was fresh, her make up understated but classy. The women standing next to her had designer shoes on (which looked painful as hell) a Burberry suit, a Burberry blouse, a Burberry rain coat, heavy make up, diamond rings, earrings and necklace. Can you guess which women was actually the richest? The one flaunting it or the one who had understated class?

You see, I am in millionaire business groups. I know millionaires in real life. When I had a JOB I worked with politicians, CEO's and celebrities and do you know what i've found. The truly rich don't have to flaunt their worth. Because they have reached a point (by being where you are now) that they've realised that the money is just a bonus. It's their work that's important. It's their gift to the world, the message that they were born to spread. Because people out there don't need another cardboard cut out. Because honestly, anyone can go and hire a Ferarri for the day. They can drive it to a big house (like a wedding venue) and pretend to be living the high life. Have you noticed how the pitches all sound familiar? That's because these over night entrepreneurs (like me) have studied marketing (hell you can even spot which ones have done the same courses) and know what words to use and in what order to get you interested in their products. And there is nothing wrong with that, providing they can give you what they promise. So before you invest in another course do some due diligence (and ignore that count down clock!) what are people commenting? Are they happy or angry? Ask yourself do I really need to do another course or do I just need to give myself more time to learn and hone my skills? Edison is said to have failed a thousand times before he perfected the light bulb. But once he did, he lit up the ENTIRE WORLD!

So give yourself a break. You are doing the best that you can. Don't compare yourself to anyone else. We all do it. What age did they make their first million? Where are they now? i wish I had a house like that. And you can and you will. But right now, right here, your are exactly where you are meant to be.  

People are struggling and the world is in transition. They need your years of personal development, they need to know your struggles and how you over came them. Because that's where they are now. You can sprout all the marketing copy that you like but honestly it's just more noise on the internet. Just more chatter in the dark.

Keep plugging away at your business, you might not have made it yet, God knows I haven't (I'm still living in my Mums at 35! Long story, i'll tell you about it another time) but it's the intention that matters. If you take away the money why are you on this path? Who are you here to serve? (please think beyond your kids, that for many is just the starting point) What light are you meant to bring to the world? Because you are here for a reason, I have no doubt about that. When you were little what did you love to do? I always used to steal pens when I was about three years old. As I got older I used to write songs and poems and I toyed with the idea of being a journalist. But I had forgotten I had been born with these gifts until a few weeks ago when I was too exhausted to do anything but lie in bed and think. And observe. And do you know what I saw? My 5 year old daughter every spare minute of every day drawing. Because she loves it and she has done since she picked up her first crayon years ago. 

So if you are feeling frustrated and tired of this long, long journey your on. Stop. Take a minute (or a week, or a long coffee break) and ask yourself: am I doing this because it lights me up or am I doing it because that's what everyone else is doing?  And if you're not sure, think back to when you were little. What did you love to do all the time? And try to put that fun back into your life and your business because that my friend is the key to success. Having fun! Because you can not endlessly peruse a career or an idea that doesn't light you up. What's the point in trying to copy someone else? Why do you want to emulate their life when yours can be so much more interesting? Because your life will be bespoke. Make it fit to your beliefs and what brings you happiness. That's why I started blogging. Because I like to talk (I was repeatedly told off for it at school especially when I was 5!) and while everyone is doing webinars and facebook live, at this moment in time, that's not my jam. Because sometimes your life expands and sometimes in needs to contract. So if your feeling frustrated, that's ok.

The reason it's taking you so long to be a 'success' is because you are in your apprenticeship. God, the Universe, Your higher self, whatever you want to call it, has a far bigger vision for your life then you could possibly image. And it takes time for you to learn the necessary skills and experience you need in order to help all the people you will meet along the way.  From every success story I've ever read, one day it will just click, all those little pieces will fall into place, if you don't give up. You don't have to have faith in religion or the universe but you do have to have faith in yourself. As frustrating as it is, you are exactly where you are meant to be. 

Take inspiration form the Ferrari sitters, it's nice to dream and have big plans, but also take it with a pinch of salt. That's their path, yours will be way more interesting in the end. There are no over night success. They have all been where you are now. Tired, frustrated but knowing deep down that it's all for a reason. That the world does need your gifts and that its not just delusions of grandeur. Your dreams can and will come true, if you have the stamina to keep going. Even if some times you feel like it's just a slow depressing crawl. At least you're moving forward. You haven't given up. Remember it's not a competition, your not failing or coming in last. The Hare and the Tortoise both finish the race in the end. The only difference is, the tortoise remembered to enjoy the view along the way. 

When is it a good time to have a baby?

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The simple answer? Never! But don't freak out. Let me explain. My husband and I worked hard all our adult lives. We both started work at 15, worked our way up, had good, well paying jobs even though neither of us went to uni.  We owned our own house and had an investment property for our retirement. We were together 10 years before we got married and only had £2k of debt for our car and credit card. We did everything by 'the book' so when it came to think about kids, we thought we would wait until the time was right.

After we got married the doctor told us it would take about two years before we would get pregnant as I'd been on the pill for over a decade. So I came off it thinking two years, that would be perfect. We can save up and pay off some debts, maybe upgrade the car. But after 6 weeks, in my tight, figure hugging, summer dress I noticed my stomach had started to swell. I remember my mum glancing at my belly and I thought, 'If she says I look pregnant I'll kill her, i'm just bloated because I'm due on' but when my husband had concerns too, I did a test (basically just to prove them wrong!) And what do you know, I'd gotten caught on my very first cycle! 👶🏻

Sounds like a fairy tale right? Happy couple, dream life, everything's rosy. Well you couldn't be more wrong. You see, I had left work 18 months before. In 2006 a work colleague followed me into the ladies toilets at our Christmas party, forced me over the sink and tried to rape me. Like most survivors I went into shock. I didn't phone the police, I didn't tell my family. I could barely process what had happened to me let alone say the words out loud. So, like most victims of sexual assault (both male and female) I got on with my life.

Until that man was promoted to my manager and the fear of him being in a position of such power, to be able to travel with team members on lonely late night trains or turn up at isolated stations on whim, no questions asked, where women worked alone was too much.  (I worked for a well known rail company at the time) So I spoke out and the pressure of keeping this secret for 18 months then having to tell my husband, my friends, family and colleagues (many of which took his side and called me a lying whore) caused me to have a massive break down. The management couldn't believe their new manager (a good family man) could be capable of such a terrible thing, so rather then face an enquiry, they forced me out of my job. (He later went on to attack another staff member in her hotel room at a company event and he was subsequently sacked)

At the time, I was too mentally ill with depression to fight such a big company and I was too ill for work. Then the economy crashed and we lost our investments, my £2k debts spiralled with late payment fees and bank charges. The work insurance we had 'just in case' paid out £500 instead of the £6k loss of earnings I was entitled to. I couldn't get government benefits despite having worked for over 10 years and payed a LOT of taxes during that time. We did everything by the book, we had contingency plans but we fell down the rabbit hole and just couldn't get enough traction to get back on our feet. The debt got sold to debt collects and the £2k debt quickly turned into £7k. And the most ironic thing of all. We actually had positive equity in our home despite the economic depression but because I was too ill to work, we couldn't remortgage to release the equity.

It took me nearly two years to get over my depression and for the economy to recover enough to find work. But as it turned out, the week I started my new job was the week I found out I was pregnant! The first few weeks were fine, I had no morning sickness (which is why I didn't think I was pregnant) but then one day I had a bleed, which was terrifying. Then I had another and another. Then it happened again at work. I told my boss I had to go, got my coat and jumped straight into a taxi trying not to cry in the back of the cab as I imaged the beautiful, tiny little spark of life slipping away from me. The taxi driver didn't help when he said,  'Don't worry love, my sister has miscarriages too' Yeah, nice one mate!

My husband met me at the emergency room with the same look of fear and anguish on his face. We sat and waited and hoped for hours before we were called in to be seen. All the time watching women coming and going, some heavily pregnant sobbing as they lived my worse nightmare. Some came out holding scan photo's with obvious relief on their faces. We finally went into the treatment room for the fourth time after reliving this nightmare after each bleed, it was horrible. When I told the midwife my boss wouldn't let me sit down and how I kept on having bleeds, her simple answer knocked the wind out of me. 'Whats more important' she said 'Your job or your baby?'

So I left my job and never looked back. My son is now 7 and I had a wonderfully safe pregnancy from that day forward. Sure during that time we had to go bankrupt, we lost our home and our investments and had to move into a beautiful house on a very rough council estate (like: drug bust, drive by shooting rough) but it was worth it. Because when you are faced with that moment of loosing something so precious as a child that you have grown out of your own love, nothing, nothing else in this world is more important.

I've had two other children since then and I am pregnant with number four as we speak. Not one of them has come at the right time (except of course that it was all part of the divine plan). Let me explain. After my eldest son I had postnatal depression (which I cured with vitamin D). I was talking to my husbands colleague about it and he said, 'Oh my wife had that',

'How long for?' I asked.

'Until she had our next baby',

'Well, how long was that?'

'Nine years' he replied!

(In my head) Are you fucking joking? I can't live like this for another day never mind years! So despite being bankrupt, going homeless, having no job and walking round with a mental fog in my head (which some days made it impossible to even get out of bed) we got pregnant with baby number two and she was born fourteen months months after my son was born. During her pregnancy I was trying to overcome the postnatal depression, find a house during the economic crash when the housing market was in the toilet (hence us having to take the lovely house in the rough area). I was also having to look after a very boisterous one year old whilst heavily pregnant.But you know what, despite it all, we were happy. Our baby's were safe. We came to realise that so long as we had a roof over our heads, a warm home, food on the table and enough electricity for the kids to watch Micky Mouse Playhouse, life was good. Some people were not so fortunate. After my daughter was born I decided i'd had enough of work for one lifetime (15 years working with the public is enough thank you very much) so after that I went to full time University with two kids under two!

In my first year when my daughter was 6 months old and my son was bang in the middle of the terrible twos, I found out my husband had a complete personality change. He went from being a loving caring supportive partner to a lying, cheating, arsehole. Which, for anyone who knows my husband is so completely out of character from the wonderful gentlemen I fell in love with. After a year of hell, we found out he was suffering from Postnatal Depression. (Yes Dads can get it too)

Fast forward two very stressful years and I managed to completed my qualification, saved my marriage and helped my husband conquer his depression. It was a very rough couple of years (I remember taking an online exam at one point with my son climbing all over my head!) We fought hard to save our marriage and I was determined to help my husband despite his best efforts to push me away. We finally started to make progress. My husband left his job and was finally able to heal. Our children grew into beautiful little people with their own quirks and personalities. The snow fell and the Sun shone, and I worked hard to find the silver lining wherever I could. And as life started to get good again, we got threw another curve ball. At Christmas 2015 I nearly died of Pneumonia.

Thanks to nearly loosing our eldest in those first pregnancy scares, we had decided family would come first so we engineered our careers around maximising our time at home so I was self employed and my husband was at full time uni. After the pneumonia nearly killed me (I was just 33 years old) I suffered from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome for six months afterwards. I cant explain how horrendous it is. Honestly even just going the toilet for a wee left me so exhausted that I would need a sleep. We had to move in with my Mum for a few weeks as I was too ill to look after our children. The doctor, God bless her, after a multitude of tests, finally prescribed me steroids which as it turns out not only boosted my body but it also boosted my fertility and we ended up pregnant with baby number three right bang in the middle of my husbands end of year exams!

Yes I know what your probably thinking, 'Well she couldn't have been that ill' wink wink. Yes, I was exhausted but when you nearly die making love to the person you'd thought you would never see again becomes a very precious thing for your soul and your broken heart. Because that's what happens when you nearly die. It breaks your heart wide open. When you think of how you'll never hold your children again, kiss their little faces or feel them cuddle into you at night. When you remember all the precious moments you had with your partner. All the times you saved each other, picked each other up when you stumbled, held each other when you were afraid, wiped away the tears of laughter, walked under the stars together and felt the world at your feet. Love is the most precious gift of all and when you think of suffering it's loss, of never being able to tell the people you love how much they have blessed your life, it's a very terrifying thing, worse the the fear of physically dying. Its the most frightening thing I have ever been through.

So whilst completely shocked, I was thrilled when I found out number three was on the way. But when you're a lightbearer nothing is ever easy, there are always lessons to be learned. So at my 12 week scan my son had a very raised NT. This is an indicator of Downs Syndrome and other physical defects. Long story short the hospital specialist convinced us he could be born severely disabled and asked us if would we terminate the pregnancy. At this point, we had no diagnosis, just a high rate of probability. So we had a Amniocentesis done (which actually, wasn't as bad as we thought) and  while we anxiously waited for the results and DNA tests we  had weeks of worry that we would have to basically kill our own baby. And all this worry was going on my husband had to complete his assignments and exams, I was still recovering from my illness and our little'uns were just 4 and 5 years old. I'd also suffered from chronic morning sickness and lost a stone in weight, which I really didn't have to spare after being so ill. (I was able to cure myself by changing my diet. Find out more here https://www.clairekristensen.com/new-products/how-to-cure-chronic-morning-sickness-hyperemesis-gravidarum)  Just prior to me getting pregnant my son had also been diagnosed with sensory processing disorder so we were trying to understand his condition and support his needs. It was a very scary and stressful couple of months to say the least.

As it turns out my second son was absolutely fine and he was born on Christmas Eve. Which brings me to baby number four. A few weeks ago my darling five year old daughter said, 'Mummy, I made a wish to my guardian angels to put a baby sister in your belly because I've got two brothers and I really want a baby sister.' Now, I'm not stupid. I'm an educated women. I didn't accidentally get knocked up four times. I had been told by my GP that because I have dizzy spells and migraines I'm at risk for a stroke so its not safe for me to go back on the pill. I had tried different forms of contraception in the past and non of them agreed with me. But we always said we would have four kids so it didn't bother me if I fell pregnant. I've been through a hell of a lot so I'm quite far along spiritually so I don't worry about things. I know I'll find a way to cope whatever the God Lord (Source/universe/higher self) decides to send me.  I know there is a divine plan for us all and a baby will turn up or not. It's all good.

Now my husband on the other hand, can be a bit of a stresshead. He was shocked when baby number three came along and was adamant that we couldn't cope with any more. We're emigrating to Canada you see. So we've given up our home, our car, most of our worldly belongings and are currently living with my mum so we can save up. Tonny is also in his final year of his Psychology degree so is right bang in the middle of his final year research project. But, as my wonderful mum always says, 'We make plans and the Gods laugh'. And, just to make matters even worse as it turns out the day I found out I was pregnant (Thank you Bella) was the same day I took my son out of school to start homeschooling him! And if that wasn't enough, I suffered from pregnancy exhaustion so have been pretty much useless at home for the best part of eight weeks and my business has been on hold while I find my son a new school (one of the benefits of being self employed: I can work when I want to or not)

So you see. There really isn't ever a good time to have kids. Yes you will worry about money, or not having enough room in your house or not being able to cope, or needing a bigger car or a driving license. But honestly none of that matters. Yes a baby brings so much stress but that is tiny in comparison to how much love and light a child will bring into your life. You maybe pregnant now and thinking of terminating the pregnancy because you think the timing isn't right. Honestly it never will be. When you have to face the fear that someone or something may rob you of that tiny light you will fight with all your heart to keep that little spark of life glowing for just one more day.Trust that everything happens for a reason.You will learn and adapt and you will expand. There is never a perfect time for a baby if you think of it from a practical point of view. But honestly, there will never be a  better time to bring more love and joy into your life and in to your heart 💖

When will I be rich?

Sit patiently. Let go of your fears. Your hard work and determination will pay off. Where you are now is just a transition point to where you want to be. Have faith in that journey. Have faith in yourself. Wait patiently with an open heart and an open mind so when the opportunity comes, you will not be blinded by fear. You will recognise through the fog of where you are now, that the opportunity will lead you to the path to where you want to be. Dont be afraid to walk that path no matter how big a change it causes or how many people it affects. It will all be for the greater good. Have faith in yourself and your journey. Fight the good fight and know, my dear friends, that your time will come and with it, a life you've always dreamed of. 💞